Today marks the end of the fourth week of 2023, as well as the end of the first week of the Lunar New Year. This week, I have been to many places and met many people, making it the busiest period since the winter vacation. It is also a time of farewell. Father, sister, cousins, nephews, and nieces. With every encounter, there will be a parting, which is inevitable. But I have always been unable to let go. I know that all this sadness is meaningless, but as each loved one departs and I won't be able to see them for a long time, it is difficult not to feel a mix of emotions.
Just like every time I set foot on this land where I lived for three years, memories of the past, the silly things I did, all the regrets... flood my mind. These past memories overwhelm me, making me suddenly realize that the past happiness and sadness, longing and forgetting, have all been gone for so long, turned into ashes and scattered by the wind with the passage of time. I really want to stay forever in that night, sleep in that golden dreamland, and be enveloped in love forever. But now, that bike that accompanied me, the land I stepped on, are nowhere to be found, and I can no longer remember that girl. This love that belonged only to me has been forgotten. I think of the question Alexander asked his elderly mother in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," which is also a question that has always puzzled me. Time flies, and since the transition from 2021 to 2022, I have decided to rewatch this movie at every New Year's moment. This year was no exception, but I fell asleep in a daze and missed the ending of the movie. The question is still there, but unfortunately, I missed the opportunity to answer it time and time again. Now, scenes of Alexander visiting his elderly mother fill my mind. The once dignified mother who used to hold her granddaughter has become a frail, pale old woman, making me sigh at how cruel time can be.
I have always been unsure of how to proceed, and what's worse is that I always lose myself in the passage of time, always spending time on trivial matters, always focusing on meaningless things. It happens to be the beginning of a new year, and I want to seize the opportunity to reflect on myself through writing weekly reports. Perhaps I cannot answer these questions now, but I think I need to constantly remind myself of these questions and remind myself of the goals in life. I remember in early 2015, I started writing a diary. The content of the diary was a detailed account of every little thing, what I ate in the morning, where I went, some interesting things... I tried to use this method to preserve that period of time, at least to slow down the passage of time. I persisted for more than three months without interruption, but eventually gave up. I forgot the reason for giving up, maybe it was the change in environment after moving, or perhaps it was the increasingly busy schoolwork in middle school. Whatever it was, it has been forever lost in the torrent of memory, never to be known again.
But at least I still remember that period of time, that carefree life and innocent self. It seems that I slightly understand the answer to the question "How long does tomorrow last?" - "One day longer than eternity."
The arrival of tomorrow inevitably means the end of today, so tomorrow must contain the past, including all the memories of today. These memories never change with the passage of time, but build the meaning of life in the present moment. Precious memories continue to emerge, revealing the true essence of life, revealing the eternity of the present. This is the true emotion that the me who reminisces about the past experiences. I hope to forever stay in this wonderful eternity, without having to face farewells, without experiencing sadness, without enduring another painful day... but none of this is real, tomorrow is destined to come, and even eternity is just an illusory bubble.
"Why does time fly? Why do I always wander around? Why can I only return home after learning my mother tongue? Why do we always fail to understand how to love?"
Tomorrow is approaching, eternity is coming to an end, I hope I can learn how to love.