Review of the Week#
Here is another new weekly report, and it's already the 10th one. Looking back at what I have written before, I suddenly realized that it has been over two months since I first started writing these reports. A piece of sad news came about the passing of Ryuichi Sakamoto...
Life is so fragile and insignificant in this eternal time. I often overlook this fact and live in the meaning I have created for myself, isolating everything else and trying to control my own life. But it always turns out contrary to my wishes. When I put down my work, I often fall into a vortex of emptiness, as if everything has lost its meaning. I am increasingly aware of the narrowness of life. Looking around, this small space is filled with clutter. I have lost my perception and connection to the outside world. I understand that a major reason for this situation is the lack of interpersonal communication. The connection between people is so important, but I can hardly achieve it. Interpersonal communication with others usually remains superficial and cannot go deeper. Intimate relationships are even more like a fantasy to me. This energy-consuming behavior of interpersonal communication is something I am destined to struggle with. Although I have been trying to find the right frequency and method for myself, the pain of change and the huge gap between expectations and reality only make me more conservative. I no longer have enough courage. Being alone and silent has become the norm, to the point where I can hardly bear it myself. For someone as sensitive yet dull as me, perhaps writing is the only way for me to satisfy myself, but even my words often fail to express my thoughts...
Campus life now is a kind of torment for me. I see it as a black hole of meaning, but now I can only rely on the routine procedures and resources provided by the school to perceive life. Even when I know that the classes I attend are meaningless to me, I still choose to attend them in their entirety. I am not used to dormitory life, but the communication with my roommates to some extent satisfies my desire for expression. How I wish I could do something that I consider meaningful. The gap between reality and expectations is so painful for me. It reminds me of the monologue by Alexander in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind":
Mother, why? Why is everything always unsatisfactory?
Why? Why must we rot, hovering between pain and desire?
Why have I been drifting my whole life? Why do I only feel at home when I have the rare opportunity to use my mother tongue?
When I can still find lost or forgotten words from silence, my steps will return home again?
Why? Mother, why... don't we know how to love?
This monologue breaks my heart. Everything I do is just an attempt to avoid regrets as much as possible, but life is already full of regrets. How I wish I could be a little braver, but I can't even be sure of my own attempts and always have doubts, unable to proceed with determination. Perhaps only the favor of the goddess of luck can change everything, otherwise I can only continue to live in such pain. But even so, I must never give up on life, because in my distant memory, those simple and beautiful moments still remind me of the sweetness of life. I believe I must not give up, I must, I must.
Explorations of the Week#
Learning#
The image above is a UI design draft I created using Next.js + React + Typescript for the first time. Although it is only a small part for now, seeing my design successfully running gives me a great sense of accomplishment. Next, I will continue learning and creating, and bring my own independent product to life.
Gaming#
This week, the actual gameplay video of "The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom" was finally released. In the video, producer Eiji Aonuma showcased many new mechanics and gameplay features. The video, which lasted for more than ten minutes, was not enough to satisfy me. I really want to play it immediately. I am so excited to see how the physics mechanics of "Breath of the Wild" and Link's new fusion abilities in "Tears of the Kingdom" will bring us a new gaming experience. Let time pass quickly during this period. Also, I set a goal: to rescue Zelda before "Tears of the Kingdom" is released.